I am not an expert of sex. In fact, I’ve been doing a celibacy since my break up around V-day (widely known as Valentine’s Day, I think it’s Vagina Day) last year. Celibacy wasn’t really frustrating, although there were some days I really have to punch someone and ended up doing muay thai for three straight hours. I got to focus on other things. I did not discover myself, I already know who I am. I did not have a so-called enlightening, I did not do it to cleanse my soul. It was just something to go through. It was just something to not do.
The celibacy wasn’t anything special, though I worked two jobs and worked out like crazy. I also started recognizing apparent intentions of guys who would like to simply have sex versus the ones who are genuinely concerned of my well being.
So, celibacy: finally done. I had an opportunity to have sex with a decent person who is not an asshole (sorry this is not a hyperlink), and more importantly, who I am somewhat comfortable with. After a discussion of so-called Terms and Conditions, empty chatters, and warming up, I was in the midst of going down on him, I asked him, “Do you like getting your balls licked?”
Nope. Not a good move. Wasn’t sexy, wasn’t even something people actually asked during sex. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t thinking. I can’t believe those words came out of my mouth. Was it a normal question? It should be something that is simply left unsaid. I was so out of my game. When the words were out, the air has already taken them. No taking it back. He wasn’t even hard anymore.
He started laughing and motioned me to lay next to him. “It’s on you. It’s all on you.” I was embarrassed; my immediate thoughts were: Why does the first time I had sex in a while, I had to fucking ruin it up by opening my mouth? My main concerns were: Are we going to end this without a big bang of climax? Really? I don’t mind failing in life but do I really have to also fail in sex? I look at him looking at me in disbelief, asking silently: ARE WE GOING TO CONTINUE OR NOT?
We ended up laughing for some time before continuing our sexsion. I thought we were going to finish unpleased because of that awkward moment. That wasn’t the only awkward moment we had, actually, and he did say “it was the most awkward sex” he ever had. I should get a fucking trophy. Anyway, we finally recovered and resumed to our positions.
We had sex for an hour, stopped midway for a joint, continued for another hour, and mostly (I) laughed like a hyena having seizure attack. There was no regret (maybe not just yet) and I was just grateful to be able to sex it up again. If it’s written, it must be set on stone. Sex is just sex. Nothing to gain other than orgasm.
Reflectively, sex is about trading energies. It’s about the attraction towards each other. It’s about being present and exploring each other’s bodies. It’s not only about pleasure–although of course it’s the main attraction. It’s about being aware and connecting with another person. Most importantly, it’s about not asking your partner whether or not they like getting their balls licked. The answer is probably obvious, but you never, ever need to ask.
Note: this post was originally written and published on Monday, December 29, 2014.
Featured image above (the title) is from US Golf TV.