We must admit it, sex is a biological need that has to be satisfied. If not, the cycle is corrupted; it’s like getting your period, you become a cranky pants. De Botton writes about the lack of desire couples might have due to consistency in life.
As humans, we seek three purposes emotionally and this is one of them. Eroticism means that the partners that are having sex, when they are in their peak enjoyment. As “she is no longer interested in any standard definition of that term,” the lines are blurred. There are no norms in the bedroom. There should be no norms, with an exception of a safe word.
What I found most interesting is that there’s always physical attractions based on our preferences. It’s like choosing a menu: do you order medium rare steak or shrimp pasta?
However, De Botton explains that sex and love is different, although it could develop caused by one way or another. This is blurred line as well. The question then usually would be: how long can I cope this shit for sex? The lucky ones don’t even have to ask that question, because you actually enjoy spending time with the other person. You’re not using them merely for sex. This is the difference. De Botton reiterates that it’s okay to just want sex. YES. IT IS OKAY.
However, the book reminds–or warns–us that we have to acknowledge the same purpose with each person, because sometimes one’s intention is different with another. Impotency and pornography are also elaborated in the book, and both give an emotional impacts on people’s perceptions of sex.
De Botton also briefly mentions Dr. Master’s sex research with Virginia Johnson with his impotency during the 50s as part of the sex revolutionary in the U.S. You can watch Masters of Sex on Showtime if you want to know more about the study. It is pretty addicting and they’re on their second season now.
De Botton also touches on pornography: I’m sure you’ve heard that porn can lead to impotency, as porn gives a false portrayal of doing the deed. It’s fairly addicting and porn can become a ritual. If you can only get off by watching porn, you are immersing the fairy tale of sex with your own reality. The porn industry is huge, and who hasn’t watched porn? This subtopic is probably useful for all of us, somehow.
Overall, this book is an easy read and it gives me an enlightenment. The language is refreshing–it’s a fast read. It relates to you. Bonus point: it’s pink.
Note: This post was originally written and published on Tuesday, August 19, 2014.
Featured image above (the title) is from Pinterest.